Friday, March 27, 2015

Infinite Reasons Why Sugar is Bad for You

I am here today to crush all your hopes and dreams. My previous posts may suggest that gluten is the worst thing you can eat, or simple carbs, or the paleo diet. But no, all of those guesses are incorrect. The absolutely worst thing you can possibly put into your body is sugar. There is so much wrong with sugar it's not even funny. The astounding wrongness of sugar can be proved through biology, evolution, and my blog.

The average American eats 170 pounds of sugar a year.
Sorry if this exploded your brain.
Parks and Rec is amazing.
Courtesy of Tumblr

Lets travel back through time to when the human race lived in caves, and didn't have iPhones or glowing mice or Obama. These people were primarily hunters and gatherers, but mostly gatherers and a nice hunk of protein was a treat for them. Sugar, along with simple carbs and m&m's (no, not m&m's) were so extremely rare that they practically never had it. Think about it, you can't go outside in nature and find a naturally occurring thing that has sugar in it (fruit has good sugar, so be quiet). So, if you think really hard about evolution and stuff you realize that the human body is not meant to have sugar. Just like we aren't meant to have processed foods. If we aren't biologically designed to eat it, then it will obviously have terrible effects on our body. It's almost like feeding cows skittles (yes, there are companies that do that. Buy organic, free range beef!)

Because of this, sugar has several horrible effects on your body. Number one is that it makes your insulin levels go whacko, which is why you get a sugar high, then you crash, etc. Bad insulin levels from eating to much sugar is how people get Type II Diabetes, which is a super awful disease that is and epidemic in the US. Europeans are skinny because there is literally no sugar in their grocery store. Trust me, I went there once so I know everything about Europe.

This is the market in Versailles, France, and I was totally here,
I just didn't take a picture. Sorry.
Notice- there is no sugar.
Courtesy of Trip Advisor
Second, sugar feeds cancer, and oxygen kills cancer. Since cancer is the uncontrollable division of cells, and insulin is one of the hormones that contributes to that process, sugar feeds cancer, literally. Now, since oxygen kills cancer, you should breathe a lot. Just Kidding, if you have cancer you should go to a hyperbaric chamber. They give you oxygen there.

Third, sugar makes you fat. There is no better way to say it. It's what gives you high cholesterol, it makes you swell up like a balloon, and it's highly addictive so you can't stop eating it (it causes major dopamine release in the brain, which is pretty much the same thing that illegal drugs do. And most non-illegal drugs).

In conclusion, don't eat sugar. Also, if this post doesn't make sense it's because I drank a latte before I went to ballet so I wouldn't fall asleep during adagio. I'm still super amped up. So just don't mind me over here laying upside down listening to Coldplay, but definitely do what I say. Always.

Ooh, now I'm listening to Hozier. Like Real People Do is the best song ever.


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